Sarasota Billionaires Unite!

Written by Japhet

Topics: Coal, Finance

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This just in from our favorite billionaire, Jolly Ho of Sarasota…

I am very glad to report that the billionaires had an absolutely spiffing time on Friday. Who knew that mingling with the poor could be so enjoyable? My companion and I donned our finest apparel and headed downtown to the office of our dear friends at Merrill Lynch.

Upon our arrival, we discovered that there were a few misguided environmentalists wearing dusk masks, one dressed all in black, holding a sign that says Merrill Lynch’s investments cook the climate. This foolish behavior was garnering some attention from the working class, who happened to be milling around at that time. I believe that they were on something called lunch break? But then again, I don’t speak poor, so I wouldn’t know.

Thankfully, we had the foresight to bring our own sign, which read Coal: Smells like Profit. In order to try and save the reputation of Merrill Lynch, we then tried to inform the wandering public (shudder) about the truth behind the situation. Some people seemed to have not even made the connection between rising temperatures and rising stock prices! Let alone the fact that if we simultaneously invest in coal fired power plants and asthma inhalers, we will make double profit. After all, its only poor children’s health.

I think we made quite a good showing, and I do believe that our good friends at Merrill Lynch were quite keen on the proceedings. We did manage to hand out a few fliers to the public, at the risk of getting poor on us! But it was all worth it to show Merrill Lynch our continued support and appreciation. It was quite a blast, and I hope that we have convinced Merrill Lynch to continue to bank on climate catastrophe! Huzzah!

Well, I’ve got to go. My butler just brought a fresh stack of money that is just waiting to be counted.

Jolly ho (Amy Ortiz)
Your favorite Sarasota Billionaire

well done all! hope to hear more from our Sarasota contingent soon! keep it up…

2 Comments For This Post I'd Love to Hear Yours!

  1. Thanh-Lan Gluckman says:


  2. Kathy says:

    Last I knew global warming isn’t prejudice, it kills rich kids right along with the poor working class. What a future tomorrow’s child has to look forward to you.

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